A would-be bank robber tried to pull off a heist at a First National Bank in Loveland, CO, on December 17th. He silently approached the counter and slipped the teller a handwritten note. That’s when things went sideways. The robber’s handwriting was so atrocious that the bank teller couldn’t make heads or tails from it. The guy finally walked away in frustration.

You know how bank robbers are always super-smart and sophisticated in the movies? They have a foolproof plan, even if they have to run from the cops in a getaway vehicle. The robbers almost always get away with a big score.

Real bank robberies aren’t like that, because bank robbers tend to be very stupid people. They always get nervous and drop their wallet at the crime scene, or the paint bomb goes off and splatters them as they’re riding away on their getaway bicycle.

Almost every bank robber gets caught. Bank robbery has one of the highest clearance rates of any felony you can commit. In fact, you’re much more likely to get away with murder in America than you are with robbing a bank. That came out wrong. We’re not encouraging murder.

The point is that this would-be robber in Loveland should probably type out his next note before he tries to rob a bank. At least he might get a little bit of cash that way before the cops catch him. And the police will catch this robber with terrible penmanship. There was a security camera just three feet away from his face the whole time as he was trying to rob the joint:

Community Help: A criminal incident occurred on December 17th, 2024, just before 5 PM, at the First National Bank, located at 750 N. Lincoln Avenue. The pictured subject was involved and is needed for questioning. (1/2)#justicekindnesshumility pic.twitter.com/GJKDStTAdg

— Loveland Police Department (@PoliceLoveland) December 27, 2024